Sang on team today, mostly alto (or attempted to sing alto, anyway). Had one of the guitarists play out the chords for one of my songs during a break, so I could hear what it would sound like if a 'real' guitar player were to back me up (yes, it did sound much more like what I was hearing in my head than when I tried it). We got talking about music, and about our struggles in keeping diligent with practicing and creating and enjoying it. We found out we have a lot in common, really, and pledged to be praying for each other in this area. We made the half-joking promises to help each other out on our next demo CD. Though in times before I probably would have tried to make more of a commitment to work on music together, since it is already rare that I find someone who is interested in what I do, for now it is enough to have a fleeting help and encouraging conversation. If anything, it made me more committed to work on my music by myself, and so I even squeezed in some time for part of a guitar class today too. I hear God saying "I'm not finished with you yet, I'm still preparing you for something big." And for now, the promise is enough. Though it is never easy to wait, I am getting better at enjoying the "on hold music" in this waiting room.
The other interesting conversation I had today was with our music director. I was whining as usual about not having sung any solos, and he reminded me that my time will come. He reminded me that I can't force God's plans, and I wouldn't want to anyhow, because it would be cheating myself of the special blessing God has waiting just for me, when I am truly ready for it. Though it may sound strange, I am so afraid of singing the solo, I just want to get it over with already, and I guess that is why I keep trying so hard to do it. As if by forcing it, I could somehow control it better. Of course, God is merciful and will not give in to my selfish tactics, so I am left waiting again for the right time, the right song, the right chance to glorify Him. And I have a sinking feeling that He is wanting me to do one of my songs as the special one. Not that the sinking feeling is from doing one of my songs, since I have a determination to get some locally written songs done in our church, but rather because I have a strong suspicion that God is asking me to perform it (ie., with guitar) and that is even more terrifying that just the singing. Maybe I should go back to piano while I still have the chance. At any rate, I am comforted that it will probably be a long while before it happens, because I need a heck of a lot more training in the guitar before I would even think of performing live in front of my own family, let alone a crowd of hundreds. So, for now, it is enough to know that my leadership does believe I can sing, but they believe even more in my ability to wait for God's timing. Some more muzak?--Go ahead God, I'll pull up a more comfortable chair.