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 Post subject: FEAR NOT MY CHILD
PostPosted: March 31st, 2011, 9:09 am 
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Location: Harlan, KY
1. Fear not my child, I'm right here with you
rest assure, I won't leave, I'll see you through
Though the night may seem lonely
and you face your darkest hour
I'm standing right here, a beacon to appear
I'm a strong and mighty tower
( CHORUS )
Trust in Me, I'll go with you
beside you I will stand, holding your hand
Follow Me, I won't let you fall
I'll be there through it all
I am your dearest friend
I'll never leave you, nor forsake you
even to the end.....
I gave my life to be your Savior
and I'd do it all again

2. Fear not my child, I won't lead you astray
just keep on walking, straight ahead, I'll show you the way
Though the way may seem long
and the mountains look so high
Child you're not alone, I'll never leave you alone
I will always help you climb
( CHORUS )

3. Fear not My child, listen close to what I say
just keep your eyes, on Me, and don't look away
Though the storm may seem strong
and the waters rage below
I'm holding onto you, I've got My hand upon you
I will never let you go
( CHORUS )
Written by: Glenda Smith


Last edited by glenda on May 2nd, 2011, 12:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: March 31st, 2011, 10:31 am 
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Glenda,

I think you need to work on focusing the chorus on what you want your hook to be....find the one phrase that sums up your song and repeat it once or several times in your chorus.

Peter

glenda wrote:
1. Fear not my child, I'm right here with you
rest assure, I won't leave, I'll see you through
Though the night may seem lonely
and you face your darkest hour
I'm standing right here, a beackon to appear [I'm standing right here, a BEACON to appear]
I'm a strong and mighty tower
( CHORUS )
Trust in Me, I'll go with you
beside you I will stand, holding your hand
Follow Me, I won't let you fall
I'll be there through it all
I am your dearest friend
I'll never leave you, nor forsake you
even to the end.....
I gave my life to be your Savior
and I'd do it all again

2. Fear not my child, I won't lead you astay [Fear not my child, I won't lead you ASTRAY]
just keep on walking, straight ahead, I'll show you the way
Though the way may seem long
and the mountains look so high
Child you're not alone, I'll never leave you alone
I will always help you climb
( CHORUS )

3. Fear not My child, listen close to what I say
just keep your eyes, on Me, and don't look away
Though the storm may seem strong
and the waters rage below
I'm holding onto you, I've got My hand upon you
I will never let you go
( CHORUS )
Written by: Glenda Smith

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Scribe And Sage Music
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no matter how pious the subject. If it's good art-and there
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simpler to evade."

(Madeleine L'Engle, Walking On Water)


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PostPosted: April 1st, 2011, 5:22 am 
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G'day Glenda

I agree with Peter that there is currently no obvious hook.

Additionally, I notice a number of mixed metaphors. A lyric is stronger if you can choose one or two metaphors to explore throughout. An example of my concern is "I'm a strong and mighty tower" (big immovable, safe) versus the next line "Trust in Me, I'll go with you" (a moving mighty tower?).

Dave

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PostPosted: April 3rd, 2011, 10:03 pm 
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Thanks for the advice Peter. I'll try re-working the chorus a bit and see what I can come up with. God Bless Glenda



scribeandsagemusic wrote:
Glenda,

I think you need to work on focusing the chorus on what you want your hook to be....find the one phrase that sums up your song and repeat it once or several times in your chorus.

Peter

glenda wrote:
1. Fear not my child, I'm right here with you
rest assure, I won't leave, I'll see you through
Though the night may seem lonely
and you face your darkest hour
I'm standing right here, a beackon to appear [I'm standing right here, a BEACON to appear]
I'm a strong and mighty tower
( CHORUS )
Trust in Me, I'll go with you
beside you I will stand, holding your hand
Follow Me, I won't let you fall
I'll be there through it all
I am your dearest friend
I'll never leave you, nor forsake you
even to the end.....
I gave my life to be your Savior
and I'd do it all again

2. Fear not my child, I won't lead you astay [Fear not my child, I won't lead you ASTRAY]
just keep on walking, straight ahead, I'll show you the way
Though the way may seem long
and the mountains look so high
Child you're not alone, I'll never leave you alone
I will always help you climb
( CHORUS )

3. Fear not My child, listen close to what I say
just keep your eyes, on Me, and don't look away
Though the storm may seem strong
and the waters rage below
I'm holding onto you, I've got My hand upon you
I will never let you go
( CHORUS )
Written by: Glenda Smith


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PostPosted: April 3rd, 2011, 10:15 pm 
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G'day, I just love that. I can hear that Australian accent just by reading that. Anyway, thanks for your crit. I understand what you are saying about the mixed metaphore. Were there any others that stood out to you? This song is not complete, so any advice would be welcome. Thanks and God Bless Glenda




dsimpf wrote:
G'day Glenda

I agree with Peter that there is currently no obvious hook.

Additionally, I notice a number of mixed metaphors. A lyric is stronger if you can choose one or two metaphors to explore throughout. An example of my concern is "I'm a strong and mighty tower" (big immovable, safe) versus the next line "Trust in Me, I'll go with you" (a moving mighty tower?).

Dave


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PostPosted: April 9th, 2011, 6:25 pm 
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In looking at verse 2, it might flow better if you get rid of the straight ahead and just say "just keep on walking, I'll show you the way" and also if you say "and will always help you climb"

2. Fear not my child, I won't lead you astray
just keep on walking, straight ahead, I'll show you the way
Though the way may seem long
and the mountains look so high
Child you're not alone, I'll never leave you alone
I will always help you climb [and will always help you climb]

This is going to be a really nice song :)

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